What's A-Parent

Mom's Powerful Letter Reminds Us 'Not Every Mother Is A Mother Because She Gave Birth'

Her letter was in response to the person who shamed her for not being the biological mother of her son.

What's A-Parent is a series highlighting those who get real about the hardships that come with raising kids. These often untold stories help show parents they are not alone in their struggle, and are doing an amazing job.

Reddit user Vietnamazinggg is a mom to a beautiful boy, and has an important message to those who say she isn't a "real" parent because her son is adopted.

After a woman on Facebook allegedly shamed her for not being the biological mother of her son, she posted a powerful response in the self-parenting thread on Reddit:

"My response to her: I did not give birth to my child. I did not get to feel him growing within me, or hold him against my skin when he was born. Perhaps by your definition, my child is not a part of me — he does not resemble me or my wife. Let me tell you what being a parent is to me. I didn't labor for hours for this child, I labored for YEARS. I waited for years to be told that we had been chosen, that we were finally going to be allowed to be parents. I didn't feel labor pains. I felt the incredible pain of emptiness in my heart and home as my wife and I yearned to begin our family through adoption. I didn't get to wake up in the middle of the night and nurse my sweet child. I did, though, spend many nights lying awake and praying to whomever might be listening to let us be next. Asking myself why we hadn't been chosen yet. Pouring over adoption profiles and sending endless e-mail inquiries on children available for adoption and being told no, no, no over and over again. And like you said, 'you can't possibly understand that feeling.' I feel certain you have absolutely no idea. A child lives to depend on me — you're right. My child has been let down by everyone else in his life. You think I am not losing sleep? He may not wake me up to feed him every couple hours, but he screams out in his sleep — no doubt reliving past traumas from the life he led before being adopted. Not every experience is your experience. Not every mother is a mother because she gave birth. Not every child is yours or a 'part of you' because you grew it inside of you. My child will always be a part of me, because we're fighting for this life together. TLDR: Fuck you. I'm a mom."

Reddit user vietnamazinggg added ,"I don't REALLY care, but I wanted to respond in a powerful way that reflects my feelings on adoption and solidifies the idea that we're a family despite the fact that we aren't a 'traditional' one."

Other parents agree. The message was posted on May 2 and it has already generated a lot of discussion. Other adoptive parents, along with those in blended families and those who gave birth via C-section, are sharing their experiences. One mom with a stepdaughter wrote, "I parent my child with my brain and my heart. I feed her, provide for her, advise her, love her, and I'm the one there to talk when she is upset. I wasn't aware that my vagina was an important part of our relationship."

A person who was adopted also shared her thoughts,


"As an adopted child, if someone were to ask who my mom was, I would not reply with the woman who gave birth to me ([I] love her, [and] care about her, but she's not my MOM). It's the woman who raised me and loved me as her own child. Same thing with my dad ..."

... "We looked NOTHING alike and don't share DNA but I still feel like I was made and raised in his image and feel no different about calling him my dad".

Adoptive parents are extremely important for their kids and for society. ChildrensRights.org reports that there are approximately 428,000 children in foster care in the United States alone on any given day.  Furthermore, it is estimated that a staggering 140 million kids worldwide are considered orphans. People like this mother who spoke out on Reddit are providing homes and families to these kids who are so in need of them.

Cover image via Expensive I Shutterstock

(H/T: Popsugar)


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