Love, Lindsay

'Is The Guy I've Been Texting Ever Gonna Ask Me Out? Or Is He Just Playing Me?'

All your relationship questions answered — right here, right now.

Hey Love, Lindsay! 

I come to you with a question about texting. I met a guy a couple weeks ago at a trivia night and swapped numbers. He gave me a ride home and texted me before I even finished brushing my teeth! We had a few back-and-forths over the next week, but he'd always text me first and then immediately kill the conversation. Everything petered out a few days ago, but then I randomly got a text on Friday afternoon asking where I was at trivia on Tuesday. Why did he wait so long? Should I keep texting him in the hopes that he'll ask me out, or is he just playing me? 



Nothing feels quite like the adrenaline rush you get from texting with someone you like. The buzz of the phone, the light of the screen, the anticipation of those three little dots — what's not to love? 

OK ... a lot. As much fun as texting someone new can be, it can also be pretty stressful. Because this guy keeps texting you first, it seems like he's into you, but I understand your frustration in putting effort into a conversation and getting little in return. Before you read too much into his texts (or lack thereof), read my texting DO's and DON'Ts. They can help you get the response you want and might even help you get to that first date.

DO show your personality.

Texting can be a difficult way to get to know someone because you can't rely on tone and body language. To compensate, don't be afraid to show off your sense of humor or discuss your interests, especially since you've probably already mentioned them in person. To help keep the conversation going on his end, ask specific questions about things you discussed at trivia so he knows you're interested in learning more about him.Emojis can also help convey your thoughts, so long as you don't overdo it. Or overthink it. Instead of worrying about crafting the "perfect" response, go with your gut. 

If he continues to give you one-word answers, try not to take it personally unless he starts acting different or cold toward you IRL. After all, you can only control the awesomeness you bring to the conversation, not his response. 

DON’T play the waiting game.

You know what I'm talking about. The other person takes an hour to get back to you, so you feel like you have to wait at least an hour to text back. But come on, you're putting extra thought and effort into planning the "right" time to respond, so they know you're into him, but not too into him. So while it's totally OK for a text conversation to fizzle out one day and get picked up another, when he texts you first, keep the conversation going at whatever pace works for you. If you're a fast texter, don't try to slow yourself down for someone else. 

Not only does this slow down your potential progress toward a real date, but if you really want to be easy-going, it makes way more sense just to text him whenever it's convenient. If he's into you, he's not going to be turned off because you replied to his text after a few minutes. 

DO suggest a time to meet in real life.

You've clearly established some textual chemistry with this guy, so now you need to find a time to reconnect in person before you lose momentum. While it's nice to have weekly trivia in your back pocket, it's best not to rely on chance encounters. 

Instead, after a day or two more of texting, suggest a time and place to meet up. It doesn't even have to be a formal ask-out. Something casual like happy hour drinks is a great way to test-drive your compatibility one-on-one. If you happen to share your weekend plans, you can always invite him and his friends to meet up with yours for a fun and low-pressure outing. 

DON’T hint around a day you’re free.

While you want to be flirty and a bit mysterious, be wary of playing it too cool. If you try to drop a hint about your availability to get this guy to ask you out, he might not pick up on it. That's why if he texts you on a Friday (as he has) and your weekend plans happen to come up, you should try inviting him and his friends to hang out with yours. It's a straightforward and simple way to get him thinking about taking your textual connection to the next level, without being overzealous. 

The same goes if/when he asks what you're doing early next week. Instead of hinting around a day you're free, just tell him and suggest something to do together. This will take the guesswork out of planning for both of you.

DO send a risky text.

In the grand scheme of dating, sending a "risky text" really isn't that much of a risk. Life's too short to wonder "What if?" So, whenever the opportunity presents itself, take a chance with a little extra flirtation. (But, uh, save the nudes for later.) Spice things up with some flirty lines like: 

1. "It's so cold out, I need you to come warm me up." (Works even better during the summer!) 

2. "I have so much to do, but I keep getting distracted thinking about you."

3. "If I said 'come over,' what would you say?"

This kind of message not only makes it clear you're romantically interested, but gives him the perfect opportunity to turn all that talk into action. He'll most likely be into it, but if not, don't sweat it. While you might not get that first date, at least you get a funny story out of it — and some extra confidence you can use with the next guy. 

DON’T take it too seriously.

 In the early stages of dating, texting seems super important because it's one of the few ways to gauge the other person's level of interest. But texting requires little to no effort compared to spending a few hours with someone face-to-face. So if you really want to know if someone likes you, get out from behind that phone and look at what they do, not what they say. 

If you end up on a date, GREAT! If not, that's still OK. After all, a text is just a text. 

Love, Lindsay 


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