LGBTQ+ Pride Month

This ‘Brooklyn Nine-Nine’ Star’s Upcoming Wedding Offers A Teachable Moment About Sexuality

“This particular person brings out the best in me."

The LGBTQ experience can sometimes be a difficult thing to grasp — especially the "B" part. Stephanie Beatriz, who is bisexual in real life as well as plays a bisexual cop named Rosa Diaz on Brooklyn Nine-Nine, is here to help clear up any confusion.

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In a personal essay for GQ, Beatriz wrote about how the fact that she is marrying a man — fiancé Brad Hoss — later this year doesn't make her any less bisexual.

"I'm bi, and I'm getting married this fall. I'm excited, nervous, terrified, and so fucking happy," Beatriz began. "I'm choosing to get married because this particular person brings out the best in me. This person happens to be a man. I'm still bi."

The 37-year-old went on to explain how you get used to "a continual series of coming-out moments" throughout life when you're bisexual and asked when, if ever, the cycle will ever end. Beatriz then talked about how bisexuality, which gets little positive (if any) representation in media, "often needs an explanation."

"It isn't something you can often 'read' on a person, and because of that bi people sometimes feel like an invisible part of the LGBTQIA community," Beatriz added. "People's sexuality is often defined by who we're partnered with at any given moment, which can be a frustrating limitation for me. I've had countless tiny 'coming out' moments in my life, often simply to explain to someone else that they have misjudged my sexuality based on who they saw me dating."

This, of course, hammers home the point that who you marry does not determine your sexual orientation. Bisexual is defined by Merriam-Webster as "of, relating to, or characterized by sexual or romantic attraction to members of both sexes." Just because someone like Beatriz is choosing to marry a member of just one of the two sexes doesn't mean there is no attraction toward members of the other sex.

Photo Credit: Kathy Hutchins / Shutterstock.com

"Here's the thing about sexual drive that some people like to deny: It's around even after you commit to one partner," Beatriz continued. "You may still want to fantasize about people, want to kiss them, to fuck them. Or maybe you do none of the above, but the kinds of people you were and are attracted to are still the kinds of people you were and are attracted to."

It's this duality that those who identify as bisexual — which is different than those who identify as pansexual — feel on a daily basis. Beatriz added that there's a thought that bisexual people have when deciding to come out or not, and that's whether or not to embrace their "straight" side if passable or in a relationship with someone of the opposite gender or to choose their "gay/lesbian" side so that there's an easy label. No one should ever have to choose between two things they love. Then there's also the problem with thinking of bisexual people as promiscuous and averse to commitment, which they are not.

"Speaking from personal experience, it feels so fucking good to be out. It's still scary sometimes — I feel like an outsider so often. But those moments of discomfort are worth it, because living authentically gives me so much joy and feels so honest and good," Beatriz concluded. "In October, I will marry a heterosexual man. We'll make vows that I will take very seriously — till death do us part. But I'll be bi till the day I die, baby, and I vow to myself to always sing the truth."

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