7 Ways To Fall In Love With Yourself If You Need An Extra Pick-Me-Up

If anyone is worth loving first, it's you.

Movies often depict love as something that's cut and dry — even when times get tough, everyone gets their happy ending. But, in real life, love can be quite complicated, especially if you're wondering how to fall in love with yourself. Self-love, of course, sounds logical, yet it isn't always easy. After all, falling in love with yourself isn't a priority for most. 

But to learn how to fall in love with anyone, you must learn how to fall in love with yourself first (and again, as necessary). Here are seven ways to rekindle that love within so you may share your light for all the world to see.


1. Treat yourself the same way you treat those you love and care for the most.

Many people put others' needs before their own. Yet, while it's not always healthy to put yourself second, you can learn how to treat yourself by paying attention to how you treat those you love. Use this behavior to inform your own self-love approach.

"I have two young nephews. When they were very small I discovered that if I softened my voice when I spoke to them, and I spoke sweetly, they were more likely to pay attention to what I was saying," Marelisa Fábrega writes for Daring To Live Fully. "In addition, they would soften their own demeanor toward me and I was more likely to get smiles, hugs, and kisses from them."

"Lately I've been making it a point to make my inner voice use the same 'tone of voice' that I use with my nephews. That is, I speak to myself — in my head — in a sweet, tender tone. And I can't tell you how nice it is to have a soft-spoken person inside your head," she added. "Of course, it's not just the tone of voice that you use with yourself that's important, but also the kinds of things that you say to yourself. Fall in love with yourself by saying positive, uplifting things to yourself and speaking sweetly to yourself."

2. Celebrate your strengths and victories without fixating on your weaknesses.

Those who are struggling to love themselves will likely find it hard to take pleasure in the accomplishments. Instead, they focus on their weaknesses by dwelling on every flaw or mistake. If you truly want to fall in love with yourself again, you need to hone your strengths and cultivate your expertise. There's no harm in gradually improving your nagging imperfections, but you should not fixate on what holds you back. Develop those skills that propel you forward.

"In a society that is obsessed with being perfect, looking perfect, acting perfect, it's easy to get caught up in the constant struggle to eradicate any possible weakness while taking our strengths for granted," Caroline Zwickson, M.A. writes for MindBodyGreen. "Instead of being defined by your weaknesses and spending your time and energy on eradicating them, shift your attention to the optimization of your strength. That is where your greatest potential lies. Ask yourself what you really enjoy doing. What brings you pleasure? What comes naturally? Then go there and put your energy and love into it."

3. Surround yourself with people who will lift you up, not tear you down.

To love yourself, you must surround yourself with people who love you, too. It's difficult to cultivate self-love when the people around you constantly bring you down. While this treatment typically indicates that they are feeling insecure themselves, it's hard not to internalize their words and behaviors over time. Once you recognize how toxic these individuals can be, however, you need to take the initiative to erase them from your life so you can begin to improve your confidence.

"[They] should be people who are able to see your potential for greatness, and who genuinely believe in you and support you through thick and thin," Candice Jalili writes for Elite Daily. "Fill your life with genuine, quality people you genuinely respect — people who make you feel like a good person just by association."

4. Detox (in the digital sense) to disengage from the negativity online and on TV.

According to Healthline, countless studies reinforce the fact that constant Facebook and Instagram scrolling could actually be depressing you. After all, we spend nearly 11 hours each day staring at a screen, exposing us to an excessive amount of negative news at every turn. Thus, while technology has become an undeniable part of our daily lives, a digital detox might be necessary.

"It's time to step away and spend some time IRL (in real life). Try going from sunrise to sundown without looking at a single screen," Healthline's website advises. "Turn your phone off and put it in a drawer. Hide the remote." Instead of mindlessly scrolling or binge-watching Netflix programs, Healthline suggests people try reading a book, cleaning out their closet, or spend some tech-free time with friends. Reconnecting by disconnecting will help you rekindle that spark inside you.

"You'll be surprised how refreshed and relaxed you'll feel at the end of the day. Even better, set aside an hour or two of screen-free time every night before bed. You'll sleep better and finally have some time for yourself."

5. Accept that your happiness and confidence doesn't depend on your physical appearance.

People frequently define themselves by how they look and how others perceive their appearance. Their self-worth often hinges on whether or not other people find them attractive. Yet, while it might sound cliché, true beauty comes from within

"There is nothing wrong with taking pride in your appearance and wanting to look good, but it's not everything and it needs to stop being your main focus," nutritionist Kendra Perry writes. "This can be a hard thing to remember when everything around you says otherwise."

 "An exercise that I have found to be helpful is to look in the mirror naked and give myself and all my parts love," Perry adds. "Every body part that you feel is inadequate or not up to par, give it love. Tell yourself, flaws and all, that you love yourself and that you appreciate your body for everything that is gives you. Our body's are truly amazing and they work hard to keep us healthy and functioning. Your body deserves respect and love. So give it."

6. Assert your individuality by refusing to conform to society's standards.

"When you step outside of what other people consider a 'normal' path, you will experience resistance. When you disrupt certain traditional lines of thought, you'll often encounter fear and a lack of understanding," as Kimanzi Constable writes for MindBodyGreen. "But this is your life and you should spend it doing the things that are important to you. Don't try to conform because it feels easier."

Often times, when people try to follow the "accepted" path that society has mapped out for them, they lose themselves along the way. And, of course, when one becomes lost, it's not rare for them to fall out of love, for they no longer resemble who they once were. However, by recognizing that who you are and who society wants you to be don't always align, you open yourself up to new opportunities for growth. Society's standards frequently prevent people from reaching their full potential, but you'll love yourself for pursuing the road less taken.

7. Look deep within yourself — not to outsiders — for validation and contentment.

Many people derive contentment from others who validate their accomplishments or existence. However, relying on outsiders to elevate your happiness will set you up for perpetual disappointment. Those who truly love themselves understand that such individuals should not hold so much power. Instead, they recognize that they must look within to achieve true self-love.

"Change your perspective and look at how dangerous it actually it is to rely on another person to make you happy, or even feel incomplete, if another person isn't in your life. It makes your happiness and contentment with life dependent on another human being," Karen Naumann writes for Gaia. "Remember that you cannot control other people's actions and feelings, only your own. So give yourself a hug, smile about the past and how much you've learned; grown from it, and forgive yourself."

Cover image via asife / Shutterstock


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